Let me introduce myself really quickly. I'm a 30 something year-old Christian husband and father of a 20-month old little girl. I'm an entertainer and a public figure. More importantly, I'm a man that is hurting. Hurting bad!
My wife and I have been having marital problems for a while now. I'm not one to put it out in the open or talk about it, that is, until she told me she was done with me. Done! Then I would do anything to try and fix it. Anything! How come it takes losing what you truly love to realize that it's the most important thing ever? Us men are so stupid.
So yeah, we have went to counseling and I found out stuff that no guy would ever want to hear about his wife. I thought when you got married all that crap was over and things would be good. I was dead wrong. Marriage is the hardest thing you could ever do. Seriously. If it isn't hard for you then take a deeper look at your relationship with your wife.
I've been trying to get my wife back for the past several months. We still live together but sleep in separate rooms. #Sucks She only sees me as a friend and really wants nothing to do with me. How does a guy handle that? It's the worst feeling ever. My heart hurts so bad when she tells me that she has fun hanging out with me as a friend. I'm not her friend, I'm her husband. I'm her lover and yes, I'm her friend but come on...I'm her husband.
Some of the stuff that she has said to me over the past few months would kill any guy. It has cut me to the core but I just pray that God will restore her love for me. That's the only thing that has gotten me through all this. No guy ever wants to hear that their wife doesn't love them, never has loved them, loves someone else, doesn't want to be with you, isn't attracted to you, thinks divorce is okay, or anything else. It sucks! Big time. Some things you just don't say out loud. EVER! But why wouldn't you just be honest? When honesty is actually mean, it's not necessary. Trust me.
Tonight my wife and I went to see a play. Did we have a good time? I don't know. You can never tell with her. She smiles sometimes, gets mad most of the time about God knows what and basically lives her life in a state of pissed off or madness. How can you live your life like that? I don't do anything. She's just mad or seems mad most of the time. It's so weird. She said she had fun. I couldn't tell. When I told her that she said that she had fun with her friend, ME! That was the worst thing for her to say. I told her that I wasn't her friend, I was her husband. I'm more than a friend. She said that I knew her feelings and she was sorry. I do know her feelings but you know what? Feelings mean nothing. Why? Because feelings are fading. Marriage and a commitment to God isn't. Love isn't a feeling. It's a choice...in which she has told me that she chooses not to love me. Shot to heart.
I don't know what to do. I have a daughter who I love more than anything and a wife that I would die for even after all the hurt that I've gone through these last few months. I'm so in love that it's stupid. My daughter shouldn't have to suffer for the stupidity of her parents.
So my heart hurts. Bad! Every time I hear something mean or not good from my wife's mouth, it takes a little piece of my joy. Sucks. I know God has a plan and I'm not going anywhere and giving up until He see's it through. I love my wife to much and I keep my promises and commitments.
